As he stood at the bar for the first time with his son the proud father said, "Now is as good of time to talk about some of the facts of life. Remember. a man that drinks beyond his capacity is no gentleman. To enjoy life you must observe a happy medium. Have a drink occasionally, but never, never, never get drunk."
"Yes sir," replied his dutiful son, "but how am I to know when I am drunk?"
"Well, you see those two men over there in the corner?" said the father. "If you were to see four men, you'd know you were drunk."
"Dad, let me have the keys," grinned the son. "There's only one guy over there."
A man is on trial for stealing an overcoat. The judge went straight to the point. "Did you steal this man's overcoat?" he demanded.
"No sir," the defendant replied, with a grin. "I was just playing joke on him."
"And where did you take the coat?" asked the judge.
"I removed it from the coat rack in the restaurant and carried it home with me."
"Guilty," snapped the judge.
"Guilty! Guilty of what?" asked the defendant.
"Guilty of carrying a joke too far!"
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action.
A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year."
His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl, but I'll take it!"
There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magma cum laud from law school, are intelligent, and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?"
In seconds, the senior partner chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.
"I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"