Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes!
Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.
Genie: Done! You have no more wishes.
Me: But you said three?
Genie: Well go ahead, sue me.
At a local gun show two guys were bragging about their wife's abilities.
"My wife's a fine shot. She can hit a dollar every time."
"That's nothing. My wife goes through my trousers and never misses a dime."
How do you know when you're getting old?
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Man on phone: Hello, young man, could I speak to your mother or father?
Little Johnny: My parents aren’t home.
Man on phone: Could I leave them a message?
Little Johnny: Sorry, we don’t have an answering machine.