My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...
It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!
One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge...
It'll be called YouTwitFace.
Why don't Twitter users make good soldiers?
Because they're always too quick to retweet.