Two men were discussing the merits of a book. Finally one of them - himself an author - said to the other, "You can't appreciate it because you never wrote a book yourself."
"No, I have not" the other man retorted, "but then again, I never laid an egg and yet I'm still a better judge of an omelet than any hen."
A judge tells the defendant, “You’re charged with attacking your boss with a hammer.”
“You jerk!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.
“You’re also charged with attacking a bartender with a hammer,” says the judge.
“Jerrrrkkkk!” bellows the same man.
“Sir,” says the judge, “one more outburst, and I’ll charge you with contempt.”
“I’m sorry, your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this jerk’s neighbor for ten years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one!”