What do you see when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
U.C.L.A...
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you, Irish?"
The guy, clearly offended says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage would you ask if I was Polish?"
The clerk says, "No I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Halfords Clothing Store."
Mrs. Smith: My husband's face fell a mile when he first saw the Grand Canyon.
Mrs. Jones: Was he that disappointed?
Mrs. Smith: No, he fell into the canyon.
A kindhearted judge was commiserating with the wife. "Your husband really has a problem. Has he ever tried Alcoholics Anonymous?"
"I'm sure he has," she nodded sadly. "That man will drink anything."