Latest Jokes

My three-year-old son, Jack, was as excited as he could be to visit his grandma and grandpa in Florida, especially since it meant taking his first trip on an airplane.

We'd just boarded and got buckled in when Jack looked around the plane and frowned. "What is it?" I asked, wondering if he was nervous.

He then asked me, a bit worried, "Are ALL these people going to Grandma's house too?"

A young kid found an old lamp. As always the lamp was rubbed and a genie appeared granting 3 wishes.

Genie: I will grant you 3 wishes!

Kid: I wish math didn't exist.

Genie: DONE! You have no more wishes!

Camping Tips for All...

- Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

- A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.

- The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.

- When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.

- Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.

- A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

- A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.

- In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."