Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. ''When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.''
''Well, "the young man replied, "in your job posting you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”
One day a man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of water. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the man by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?"
The man said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?"
The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?"
The man replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will."
The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the man left. About three months later the man came back to the same bar. He ordered another glass of water, drank half of it, and poured the rest on the bartender.
The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!"
The man replied, "I did, and it worked out great! Now I don't feel ashamed at all!"
As I was walking through a variety store, I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets. In one cage a green bird lay on his back, one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire.
I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight when I noticed a sign taped to the cage:
"No, I am not sick. No, I am not dead. No, my leg is not stuck in the cage. I just like to sleep this way."
A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.
"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."