Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve bacteria here."
And the bacteria says, "But we work here. We're staph."
A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning…
After he climbed out, he handed me the dog and said, “Here is ze dog, keep him warm and dry him off he vill be fine.”
I said, “Are you a vet?”
He replied, “Vet? I’m soaking!”
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom.
As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.
They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too.
Restaurant bathrooms are really, really dangerous...
So many of my first dates have gone to use them and vanished.
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