Latest Jokes

The elevator in our building malfunctioned one day, leaving several of us stranded. Seeing a sign that listed two emergency phone numbers, I dialed the first and explained our situation.

After what seemed to be a very long silence, the voice on the other end said, "I don't know what you expect me to do for you. I'm a psychologist."

"A psychologist?" I replied. "Your phone is listed here as an emergency number. Can't you help us?"

"Well," he finally responded in a measured tone. "How do you feel about being stuck in an elevator?"

My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep...

She is infringing on my right to bear arms!

I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?”

I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”

I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it.

My skin got flushed and my heart raced, I got sweaty and short of breath...

It's too dangerous.