Latest Jokes

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another.

The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

''What's so funny?'' the bartender asked.

''That stupid Dave!'' the fellow chortled. ''He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!''

For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.

"It's my passport picture," she revealed.

"Really?" I stared in complete amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"

"Walgreens," she replied.

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx...

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

I am a 65 year old volunteer teacher's assistant at my church's daycare. On the end of the second week of the start of school, one nice 5 year old girl that I noticed was observing me for days finally approached me and said:

"I know how old you are! You are 30 years old."

With shock and surprise in my voice, I said, "Oh my goodness, my grand daughter just turned 30!"

The 5 year old then said, "Wow, that is something! You and your grand daughter are the same age!"