Latest Jokes

My neighbor, she’s single. She’s single, shapely, beautiful, and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?”

I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!”

“Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?”

What is tact?

Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

Joey would always come to school late and tell the teacher a big lie about what had made him late. Fed up with his lies, the teacher planned to tell Joey a bigger lie to teach him a lesson.

The next day, Joey came in late again "I'm sorry I'm late," he said. "I got up early this morning and went fishing in the pond on my way to school; I caught a big, heavy fish and took it home so my mom could get it ready for dinner. I couldn't walk very fast because carrying the fish slowed me down."

"Well, that's very interesting, because I had an experience of my own on my way to school." the teacher replied. "I was walking to class when I began to hear the sound of growling behind me. I turned around and saw an enormous grizzly stomping up to me; he was 30 feet tall, with razor sharp fangs, claws like knives and looked very hungry. Suddenly, a little dog ran out of the bushes, beat up the bear and gobbled him up. What do you think of that, Joey?"

Joey replied, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Spot."

I hate it when I can't figure out how to operate the iPad and my tech guy is asleep.

He's 5 and it's past his bedtime.