My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn’t know he could!
My wife left me because of my obsession with horoscopes...
It Taurus apart.
Tom: Did you ever see a catfish?
Tom: How did it hold the rod?
Mother (to sleeping Little Johnny): "Little Johnny, wake up! It’s twenty to eight."
Little Johnny (half asleep): "In whose favor?"