Latest Jokes

I'm retired.

I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

A wealthy Frenchman was showing off his yachts.

“This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is sees…”

“What happened to five?” his wife asked.

“Cinq,” he answered.

Passing an office building late one night, the lady saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.

"Well," he snarled at her, "what do you want?"

"I just wanted to know why you can't ring the doorbell for yourself?"

It was our great aunt's birthday, so we decided to call her up and sing "Happy Birthday."

Only trouble was we dialed the wrong number.

"Don't let it bother you," said the voice on the other end, "you need all the practice you can get."