Me: "My wife is always forgetting to turn off the flashlight on her cell phone."
Friend: "I bet that’s annoying?"
Me: "Not so. When she walks in, I get to say, 'She really lights up the room.'”
If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get?
Answer: Away!
1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon...
It never really took off.