Latest Jokes

A woman was shopping for a new dress to wear to her 30th year high school reunion where a bunch of teenage girls were also shopping for a dress for prom night.

“Eeeeewwwwwwww”, said one young girl, looking at the dress she was holding. “This dress makes me look like I’m 40!”

“Gimme that dress!” says the woman as she snatched the dress from the young girl’s hand. "That’s EXACTLY what I’m looking for!"

My wife kicked me out because of my awful Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.

But don’t worry...

I’ll return!

An aging comedian is a guest on a late night talk show.

"What do you have coming up?" the interviewer asks him.

"Mostly phlegm."

A little boy said he wanted a baby brother. His Dad smiled and suggested he pray for one.

The boy prayed earnestly, night after night, but after a couple weeks with no baby brother, he didn't bother to ask anymore.

A few months later Dad said Mom was in the hospital and had a surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw Mom holding two babies!

"Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?" Dad asked.

The little boy, in awe, said: "I'm glad I stopped praying when I did!"