Latest Jokes

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down...

In which you fill in a form by filling it out...

And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

I decided to make sure my wife had a smile on her face every morning...

Now I can’t keep sharpies in the house anymore.

Mother: Now, Little Johnny, eat your spinach. It’s good for growing children.

Little Johnny: Who wants to grow children?

Walking home one night, this guy hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"

Looking into the shadows the guy sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and agitated pig. "What in the world are you planning to do with that?" he asks.

"I'm carrying it indoors and putting in the bath tub."

"Why do you wanna do a crazy thing like that?"

"Well, you see, it's my wife. She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of gas has shot up again...she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in the East again...she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is getting a divorce and she knows that, too.

Well, tomorrow morning, since she always gets up before me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming, 'THERE'S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"

And I'll just turn to her and say, "Yeah, I know."