A man on a business trip to Florida decided to play golf on Saturday. Half way through the first 9 he knocked a ball off the course. After retrieving it he noticed the four guys playing behind him were looking at him the same time three of them were giving the fourth one five bucks each.
“Were you guys betting on me?" asked the Out-of-Towner.
The guy with cash in hand said, “Let me put it this way, when locals hit one in the rough we leave it there.”
What’s the definition of a real golfer?
The only guy who will ruin a $100 pair of shoes to retrieve a 50 cent ball.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and trembles?
A nervous wreck.
Two nuns who worked in a hospital were out driving in the country when they ran out of gas. As they were standing beside their car on the shoulder of the road, a truck approached them.
Noticing the nuns in distress, the trucker stopped and offered to help. When the nuns explained they had run out of gas, the trucker said he would be more than happy to drain some from his tank, but he didn't have a bucket or a can.
Hearing this, one of the nuns dug out a clean bedpan from the trunk and asked the trucker if it would do. He said it would and proceeded to drain a couple of quarts into the pan. He then handed the pan to the sisters, got back into his truck and waved goodbye.
While the nuns were carefully pouring the precious fuel into their gas tank, a cop happened by. He stopped and watched them for a few moments, then said, "Sisters, somehow I don't think that's going to work, but I sure do admire your faith!"