Latest Jokes

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

Ernie: The national sport in Spain is bull fighting and in England it’s cricket.

Bernie: I’d rather play in England.

Ernie: Why do you say that?

Bernie: It’s easier to fight crickets.

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"

Me: "Certainly, what width?"

Customer (confused and slightly annoyed): "Scissors?"