Latest Jokes

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him an exam and found nothing physically wrong with him. “Listen,” the doctor said, “if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you need to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.”
“It’s true,” said the patient, “but my wife refuses to sleep alone.”

A young guy was feeling ill, so he asked a friend to recommend an internist. “I know a great one,” his friend said, “but he’s very expensive. He charges $400 for the first visit and $100 for each visit after that.”
The guy went to see the doctor. Trying to save money, he greeted the doctor when he entered the exam room with an animated “I’m back!”
The doctor proceeded with the examination. “Very good,” he said when he was finished.
“Just continue the treatment I prescribed last time.”

A surgeon was checking on a patient who had a hernia operation three days before.
The doctor asked the man why he had not gotten out of bed. “I hurt,” the man said.
“You don’t know how it feels.” “I know exactly how it feels,” the doctor said. “I had the same procedure last month, and I was back at work two days later. There’s no difference in our operations.” “Oh yes there is,” said the patient. “You had a different surgeon.”

There is a knock on the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks out, and a man is standing there. Saint Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there’s another knock. Saint Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears once again. “Hey, are you playing games with me?” Saint Peter calls after him, rather annoyed.
“No” the man’s distant voice replies anxiously.
“They are trying to resuscitate me.”