An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the thing he predicted yesterday did not happen today.
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, “Olive or Twist?”
After gunning his BMW the wrong way down a one-way street, the rather intoxicated young man was asked where he thought he was going by a curious police officer.
“I’m not really sure,” confessed the drunk, “but wherever it is, I must be late, because everybody seems to be coming back already.”
The young man really liked the perfume the young lady was wearing and asked its name. She looked puzzled for a minute then dumped the contents of her purse on the table between them. She searched through the pile and finally found a small atomizer. She looked at the label and announced, “Unforgettable”