Latest Jokes

One day an old lady and an old man were sitting on their porch when the old lady says "Hey pa, why don't you run down to the restaurant and get us some ice cream." Pa said, "Ok I will go right now." Ma told him that she had better write it down for him, because he always forgets. He said no he would be fine, so off he went to the restaurant. When he got back he handed her a hamburger and she said "Dang it pa, I knew you would forget, I told you to get mustard on mine!"

Two buddies were having a chat. Said one, "You know, I can trace my ancestors up the Family Tree." The other responded," That's so? Well, far as l know, there are only two things that live on trees: Them's birds and monkeys, and I see that you ain't got no feathers."

The physician writing out a prescription for his hypertensive cardiac patient: “Diazepam 5mg (tranquilizer) TDS".
The patient’s wife asks, "Doctor, when are these medicines to be given?"
Doctor: "These are to be taken by you. He needs rest"

A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said; "I'll be back in a minute." He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.
The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said; "You know we don't get many bears in here". The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender; "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"