Latest Jokes

Out in the middle of nowhere a UFO drops out of the sky at a gas station. The aliens, not concerned, go out of the ship. The ship even has the letters UFO emblazoned on the side. While the owner of the station stands speechless, his young employee goes and fills up their tank and even waves as they pull off.

After they’re gone the owner looks shocked at his employee. He says, "Do you realize what just happened?"

"Yeah?” he replied?

"Didn’t you see the letters UFO?"

"Yeah,” he repeats, "and?"

"Do you know what that means?"

"Gee boss, I've been working here for 5 years, of course I know what it means! It means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."

A man walks into a pub and he asks the barman for a pint. All of a sudden he notices Vincent Van Gogh over the other side of the bar. The man asks, "Do you wanna pint, mate?" and Van Gogh says, "No thanks, I've got one ear!"

One day a chicken goes to a library and asked: “ book, book, book”.
The librarian gave the chicken 3 books and the chicken went on its way...
The next day the same chicken came into the library and said “book, book, book”
So the librarian gave the chicken 3 books again... but this time she became suspicious of where the chicken was taking the books... so the librarian decided follow the chicken.
After a while the chicken came to a swamp and stopped besides a frog ... the chicken gave the three books to the frog, and the frog replied: Read it! Read it! Read it!

The Smartest Dog Ever

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"