“What do you think of Red China?” One woman asked another during a party on world affairs.
“Oh, I don’t know,” said the other woman. “I guess it would be all right if you use it on a white tablecloth.”
Stranger: Catch any fish?
Fisherman: Did I! I took 25 out of this stream this morning.
Stranger: Do you know who I am? I’m the game warden.
Fisherman: Do you know who I am? I’m the biggest liar in the country.
An old man is afraid that his wife is loosing her hearing. So, he walks up right to her ear and asks, "Can you hear me?" She didn't answer. He walked up closer and asked again. But there was no answer. Finally he asked her one more time really loud and his wife said, "for the third time yes!!!"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you calling from?"