Latest Jokes

''I’m getting a divorce,'' said Jack to his mate, Bill. ‘The wife hasn’t spoken with me for six months.''
Bill thought for a moment and then replied,’ Just make sure you know what you’re doing, Jack. Wives like that are hard to find''

Explanation of Microsoft computer messages

It says: "Press Any Key"
It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

It says: "Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)

It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

It says: "Installing program to C:\...."
It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."

It says: "Please insert disk 11"
It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

It says: "Not enough memory"
It means: "I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."

It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means: "... However, if you put the CD in correct side up..."

It says: "Please Wait...."
It means: "... Indefinitely."

It says: "Directory does not exist...."
It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means: ".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."

I pride myself on being patient when teaching driver education, something I have done for 30 years. I have encountered many, many students, who didn't seem to be able to hit the floor with their hat. But one incident was just too much.

I had a sweet young thing behind the wheel for the first lesson of the semester. She had volunteered to go first and seemed ready to show the other two kids how well she could drive. We left the rural school and started toward town.

As we approached the first stop sign, the young lady gave no sign that she saw it. We got closer, but she still did not slow down. Finally, I used the "teacher's brake" pedal, on my side of the car, to get us stopped.

When I asked her why she didn't slow down to stop for the stop sign, she replied, "but, Mr. Smith, the speed limit is 35 ALL the way to the stop sign!"

A young minister and an elderly parishoner were playing golf. The minister's game was off and the old man was beating him badly.

At the end of the game, the old man tried to console his minister by saying, "don't worry, Reverend. One of these days you'll be burying me."

"Yes," said the minister, "but even then, it will be your hole!"