Latest Jokes

Q: What insect is the worst at playing football?
A: A fumble bee

An airplane was once making a routine flight from Hackensack, New Jersey to New York City. The people on board where the world's smartest politician, the pilot (also a father), a Boy Scout, and a devout Christian. In mid-flight, the engine stalled, and there where only three parachutes. The pilot said, " I've got a family down there. I need to live so I can take care of them" so he grabbed a parachute and jumped out. The world's smartest politician said, I've got an election coming up, so I'd better live so I can win it." So he grabbed a parachute and jumped out. That left the Boy Scout and the Christian in the plane and only 1 parachute. The Christian said, "I have lived a long life. I am prepared for. Go and grab that parachute for yourself." The Boy Scout got his parachute and was about to jump when he said, "Hey, there is one for you too. The world’s smartest politician grabbed my backpack

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you we would be walking through a never-ending garden!

An Antartian wanting to learn how to fly a plane signs up at a small airport and was told they only equipment available is a helicopter. The Antartian thinks for a moment and says, "That’s fine, I'll just learn how to pilot a helicopter." After some ground instructions the day of the solo comes and the Antartian is at the commands of the helicopter. He goes up 1000 feet with no problem, climbs to 2000 and the instructor asks “ Is everything o.k.” The Antartian responds; “yes everything is going well.” The instructor is very happy to have such a great student and decides to give him the last test, so he orders the Antartian to climb to 3500 feet, make a turn and land. The instructor goes out to see the landing when suddenly he sees the helicopter falling down. Luckily after all that the student pilot was alive, and the instructor asked him, “ what happened when everything was going so well? The pilot replied: "It was getting cold so I turned the outside fan off."