Latest Jokes

A lady walked into a boutique and asked the sales lady "May I try on that cute dress in the window?"
The sales lady replied; "Sure, but wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a dressing room?"

An elderly man gathered together three of his most trusted friends, a doctor, a lawyer, and a priest. He said to his friends, "Now, I know I can't take it with me when I die but I'd like to try." He handed each of them an envelope each containing $10,000,000 in cash.

"I'd like each of you to throw the envelopes into the grave after they put me in," he said. The three looked at each other and agreed to the elderly man's final wishes. The elderly man soon dies and when he is lowered to his grave, friends throw in the envelope and the elderly man is buried with them. On the way back to the cars the doctor says, "I have a confession. I was thinking last night about the children's recovery program I'm getting off the ground and $10,000,000 would have been a great start to the program's funding. I figured I would put the money to good use rather than have it buried 6 feet underground."

The lawyer went nuts telling him that going against the elderly man's will is a huge crime. Then the priest also confessed, "I also thought I'd put the money to good use. The mission’s fund the church is trying to put together has received little contribution. $10,000,000 would be a huge boost to the fund." The lawyer was absolutely outraged talking about how they could both end up in jail.

He said, "You should've done what I did. The money he gave me is being kept in my safe at home. I wrote a check for $10,000,000 and put that in the envelope and that's what is in the grave!"

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

When I was in second grade, my Grandma told me that she wrote a book. She said, “Look, I’m in print.” I said, “That’s great Grandma, but I’m in cursive.”