A schoolteacher's son brought his report card home. The father said, "Let's see what you have accomplished..."
He opens the report and to his dismay sees all bad grades. "What do you have to say about this Johnny?"
"Well dad, at least you know I'm not cheating!"
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, and I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."