Latest Jokes

A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will you be quick, I’ve a bus to catch!"

“Sorry, ma’am,” said the assistant, “we don’t sell ‘em that big!”

A man tell his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking”
“What did he say?”
“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”
“Did that do any good?”
“No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.”

A recently widow says to her friend, “Oh don’t talk to me about lawyers”
“I’ve had so much trouble settling my late husband’s estate that I sometimes whish he hadn’t died….”

“So, thundered Greg’s furious father, “you have been expelled from college, have you?”
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”