A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from
an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.
The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died."
"Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Replied Ben
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul.
"What ya going to do with him?" asked Ben.
"I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul.
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben.
"Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul.
A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul.
"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben.
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back,” said Jean Paul.
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:
1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
1. The whole thing:
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.
2. One bite at a time:
You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.
3. Slow and Methodical:
You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.
4. Feverous Nibbles:
Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.
Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.
6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie:
You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie:
You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside:
You enjoy pain.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them:
Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.
10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos:
You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.
Computer Problem Report Form
1. Describe your problem:
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
4. Problem Severity:
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
6. Is your computer plugged in?
7. Is it turned on?
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself?
9. Have you made it worse?
10. Have you read the manual?
11. Are you sure you've read the manual?
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual?
13. Do you think you understood it?
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself? __________________________________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line?
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem occurred?
17. If "nothing" explain why you were logged in.
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem?
19. How does this problem make you feel?
20. Tell me about your childhood.
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem?
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me?
Thank you for taking the time to fill out our Computer Problems Form. Please allow 1-week response time so that the problem will resolve its self or you will reboot your computer, most likely resolving the issue.
While giving a physical the doctor noticed that his patient’s shins were covered with dark bruises.
“Tell me,” said the doctor, “do you play hockey or soccer?” “Neither,” said the man. “My wife and I play bridge.”