During training exercises, the Lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he encountered another car stuck in the mud, with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is!"
It was Halloween night... A man was walking home from work when he heard thump noises behind him. He turned around and saw a coffin following him. He was scared and started to run, the coffin kept right up with him. He got to his house ran through the front door, locked it and ran upstairs. The coffin busted through the front door and followed the man upstairs. The man ran for his life and then locked himself in the bathroom. The coffin burst into the bathroom. The man totally freaked out reached into the medicine cabinet and grabbed what he could find. What he grabbed was cough drops. He threw the cough drops at the coffin and the coffin stopped.
There's a sadist and a masochist locked in a room. The sadist is starting to freak out and says please, please hit me. The masochist just smiles and says “no.”
A drunkard was trying to insert the key in the padlock, but being unsteady every time he attempted he failed. A gentleman came along and seeing the frustration of the drunkard, he offered to help him to work the key in the lock. Thanking the gentleman about his offer, the drunkard said, “It is OK. I will manage the key myself, you just hold on to this house it seems to be shaky”.