Latest Jokes

A man takes his dog to the vet. “My dog is crossed eyed, is there anything you can do for him? “Well,” says the vet, “let’s take a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Because he is cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy.”

If a flea and a fly pass each other, what time is it?
Fly past flea.

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room.
“How on earth did you manage to do that?” he fumed.
“Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!”

“So”, thundered Larry’s furious father, “you’ve been expelled from college, have you?
“Yes, Dad. I am a fugitive from a brain gang.”