Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer. She wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head her husband parted his hair on.
"I forgot," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
A man goes into B&Q and says, “I’d like to order 5,000 facing bricks.”
“Certainly” says the salesman, “Are they for a garage?”
“No” says the man; “They’re for a Bar-B-Q”
“Why do you need so many?” asks the salesman
“Well,” says the man “We live in a 3rd floor flat.”