Latest Jokes

A sign outside of a restaurant boasted “We serve anything you want,”
So one smart Alec went in, and ordered roast monkey and chips.
“Certainly, sir,” said the waiter and went into the kitchen only to reappear
a few minutes later looking very disappointed.
“No monkey,” smirked the smart Alec.
“It’s not that sir. We have run out of potatoes.”

“Have you got any kittens going cheap?” Asked a customer in a pet shop.
“No, sir,” replied the owner. “All our kittens go “Meow.”

A male crab and a female lobster are dating, but they are hiding it from their parents because of the obvious reason. Eventually the lobster gets tired of all the secrecy and she tells her father, who is furious and forbids her to see the crab again.

“But why can’t I see the crab again? We’re in love!” cries the lobster.
“Because,” says the father, trying to search for a reasonable answer, “crabs walk sideways and we walk straight!”
“Please, father,” she begs. “Just meet him once and I’m sure you will change your mind.”
The father finally agrees to meet the crab and she runs our to tell him the good news.
The crab is so excited that he practices walking straight. He practices and practices until finally he can walk straight. He walks the entire way to the lobster’s house as straight as he can.
The father sees him coming and yells to his daughter, “Hey, here comes that crab and he’s drunk!”

A man at the airline counter tells the rep. “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London.
The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that.”
The man replied: Nonsense. That is what you did last time I flew with you.