Latest Jokes

“What on earth do you think you are doing?” roared a shop-owner to a man who had walked in and licked all the goods.
The man pointed to a sigh and said, “Well, that notice says ‘Tongue Sandwiches’”.

A man asked the barber “How much for a haircut?”
“$5.50.” said the barber.
“And how much for a shave?”
“$3.00 sir.”
“Very well, shave my head.”

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant and as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat."

Six packets of mothballs, please,” said an old lady to the chemist.
“But I sold you six packets yesterday.”
“I know, but my aim’s not very good and I keep missing them.”