Latest Jokes

A lion was getting rather old and slow and having difficulty catching its prey. It decided it needed a disguise so that other animals did not know it was a lion and would not run away. So it goes into a fancy dress shop and buys a gorilla suit. It then heads for a watering hole to see if it can catch something with its new disguise. On the way it comes across two eagles sitting on a rock. One eagle says to it "Hi Mr. Lion!" The other said, "Where did you get the gorilla suit?" The lion, rather frustrated, asks, "How did you know I was a lion?" The eagles then started to sing, "You can't hide your lion eyes".

Q. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy!

Gatiep grew up in Tafelsig, Mitchell's Plain, an average suburb of Cape
Town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to
come back to Mitchell’s Plain, because he could be a big man in Tafelsig.
He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new
Law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to
make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came
to the door Gatiep picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, while talking. "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't
settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed
to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument
and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the
State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while
The man sat patiently as Gatiep rattled instructions. Finally, Gatiep put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What
can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from Telkom, I've come to connect your telephone line".

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the
cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."