I was taking my weekly trip to the ice cream store. When I arrived cops surrounded the store & they had the store entrance sealed up. I asked a cop who was standing near by what happened, he replied "we were called by a member of the public who entered the store to find the owner lying face down on the floor and he was covered from head to toe in syrup, nut sprinkles and chocolate sprinkles." I asked what they thought happened and the cop replied, "He topped himself."
Teacher: If you had 20p in one trouser pocket and 60p in the other, what do you have?
Pupil: Someone else’s trousers, miss.
One cold winter day on lake Erie, two guys were fishing about 20 feet apart through the ice.
One guy wasn't having any luck. The other guy was pulling out fish every time he put his line in the water.
This made the other guy curious. "Hey," he yelled to the other, "what are you using for bait??"
The other guy yelled back, "Mfff Mfff Ogghh Mfft Offt Berr Wttt"
The one guy was very puzzled and said, "WHAT?"
And again the other guy yelled back, "Mfff Mfff Ogghh Mfft Offt Berr Wttt"
Finally the guy had to know what the other guy was saying so he got up and walk over to him and said, "What the hell did you say?"
And then the guy spit something into his hands and said, "You have to keep your bait warm"