The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“
It was Greenwich Mean Time.
My daughter asked me, "What is a unit a power?"
I replied, "Correct."
Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
Joe: Every night I take two quarters to bed with me.
Peter: Whatever for?
Joe: They are my sleeping quarters.