At a job Interview...
“What are your strengths?”
“I take matters in my own hands.”
"Okay, thank you. We will contact you.”
“No, I will contact you."
The ironing board...
The ironing board is a surf board which gave up on its dreams and went to work.
I love being married...
It is so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.