Latest Jokes

The teacher barks at Little Johnny, “Is that bubble gum in your mouth?"

Johnny nods.

"In the trash can! Right now!”

Little Johnny looks at the trash can, then back to the teacher, "With the bubble gum?"

Sharon: I tell you, Doctor, even though I’m dieting, I’m still gaining weight!

Doctor: You might be pregnant.

Sharon: What?! That can’t be, I use birth control pills!

Doctor: That’s not a hundred percent certain.

Sharon: Then what is?

Doctor: Abstinence.

Sharon: Would you give me a prescription for it?

Joe: You know that hundred bucks I borrowed from you? I bet you thought I was a dead beat! Well, Frank, I’m not…and here’s the hundred back.

Frank: I—I don’t believe it!

Frank’s wife: I believe it!! And I need fifty of that to buy a new Mix-Master!!

Frank’s son: And I need thirty-five for a new tire for my Honda!

Frank’s daughter: And I need fifteen for new jeans!

Frank: Well, Joe, I gotta tell you, when I lent you that money, I figured I’d never get it back…and I was right!