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Favorite this joke Wife: Honey, I saved $1 off on a loaf of bread!
Husband: That’s fantastic! How did you do that?
Wife: Well, I bought a 10lbs bag of birdseed.
Husband: But we don’t have any birds.
Wife: Yes I know but the birdseed came with 50 cents off dog food coupon that I used to buy dog food.
Husband (frustratedly): WE DON’T HAVE ANY DOGS EITHER!!!
Wife: I KNOW! But the dog food came with $1 off bread coupon!
Son: Dad... can I have $450 to buy a moped?
Dad: Son, listen to me very carefully. Due to the escalation of my personal monetary obligations brought on by spiraling inflation and the ever-fluctuating ramifications of the Petro-dollar, it behooves me to rule in the extreme negative when responding to my male issue.
Son: Huh?!? I don’t get it!
Dad: Exactly.
Father: Are you playing with that video game again? What about studying?! What about homework?!
Son: Ahhh, school is such a bore!
Father: Listen, when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he walked ten miles to school! When Abraham Lincoln was your age, he did his homework by fire-light!
Son: And when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States!
Restaurant Server: Would you like a table near the window, or near the salad bar, or near the dance floor?
Man: It doesn't matter... as long as it's near a waiter!
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