I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.
"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.
Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.
"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."
"So what does 'nine' mean in German?"
"It means 'No'."
Great news, Mr. Bradley," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again."
"Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied.
"And just to prove it, I want you to stop by the mall on the way home and walk the length of the stores. You'll see that you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever."
"Oh, Doctor, what can I do to thank you?"
"Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new TV."