A deaf old lady went to the doctor to find out whether there was any risk of her getting pregnant again.
He told her, “Mrs. Marx, you’re seventy-five. Whilst one can never rule out an act of God, if you were to have a baby it would be a miracle.”
When she got home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.
“I didn’t quite catch it all,” she admitted, “but it sounded a bit fishy; something about an act of cod, and if I had a baby it would be a mackerel.”
A man was complaining to his friend: “I’m sick of the police telling me how to drive when they themselves are worse drivers.”
“How do you mean?” asked the friend.
“Well, just look at how many signs you see by the side of the road saying, ‘Police Accident’.”
The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office and the staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the skeleton in my passenger seat and belted it in so it wouldn't fall over... not even thinking about the drive across town.
At a stoplight, I could not help but notice a ton of people staring at my car. I rolled down the window and shouted, "I am taking him to the Doctor's office!"
A man standing on the corner shouted, "I hate to tell you Ma'am, but I think it's too late!"
1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
2nd Person: "A little. Whats wrong?"
1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"
1st Person: "Its a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."