"Look at this mess!" roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut.
"It's just as you ordered it, sir," the waitress replied meekly.
"What do you mean?" barked the customer.
"You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it."
A young man is reported to have approached the renowned composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (one of the great musical prodigies of all time), and asked, "Herr Mozart, I have the ambition to write symphonies and perhaps you can advise me how to get started."
Mozart said, "The best advice I can give you is to wait until you are older and more experienced, and try your hand at less ambitious pieces to begin with."
The young man looked astonished. "But, Herr Mozart, you yourself wrote symphonies when you were considerably younger than I."
"Ah," said Mozart, "but I did so without asking advice."
Three NFL fans of a losing team were drowning their sorrows at a sports bar after the team lost yet again. The first fan said, "I blame the coach. If he developed better plays, we'd be a great team."
The second fan nodded and replied, "I blame the players. They just don't try hard enough."
The third fan thought for a moment and then said, "I blame my mom and dad. If I'd been born in Boston, I'd be supporting a better team."
They decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
That night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally and once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Landa Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the heck are you supposed to spell Landa with no L?”