Yesterday the Police arrested me for unsolicited Spooning...
I wasn't charged, they just held me over night.
Which I loved, by the way.
Lady at shoe store: "Pardon me, but do you have any loafers?'
Store clerk: "Yes we do."
Lady: "Well, send one of them here to help me carry these boxes."
Madame Gloria: "Alfred, why didn't you water the garden yesterday?"
Alfred the butler: "It was raining, madam."
Madame Gloria: "Well, that's hardly an excuse, couldn't you have taken an umbrella?"
My dog’s name is Minton.
Today he ate my shuttlecock.