Latest Jokes

At my granddaughter's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and me. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."

After conducting a preliminary investigation about home burglary, the homeowner is very anxious if he could get back his stolen belongings.

Homeowner: "Officer what is the chance of me getting my things back."

Police: "It's very unfortunate this happened. I am sorry even if we catch the culprits, chances are your properties are already sold or gone."

Homeowner: "What should I do?"

Police: "Better lock next time."

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes...

That way when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.

Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice. I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.

"You won't believe this," she said, "but there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!"