Latest Jokes

Always borrow money from pessimists...

They don't expect to be paid back.

It was approaching the end of the year at John’s school, and so near prom time. He decided that he wanted to try his luck and ask the most popular girl in his year out. So he got in line to ask her, and he waited, and he waited, and he waited. When he finally got to the front of the line, he was amazed because the girl said yes! She also handed him a long list of criteria he would have to meet for her to go with him.

The first criterion was a limousine. So he went to the limousine shop and, as it was near prom time, he waited and waited and waited to get to the front of the line and hired a limousine. The second criterion was a suit from the most prestigious clothes maker in the city. So John went to that shop and waited and waited and waited to be fitted. Once he got his suit he looked at the list and chased up the next criteria on the list (roses, tickets, chauffeur, etc.) and at each one he had to wait for a very long line.

Finally it was the night of the prom. John went and picked up the girl in his limousine, had the chauffeur drive them to the prom, picked up his roses, and arrived at the prom venue. To get in to the prom they waited and waited to get in. When they finally got to their seats, John’s girl asked him to get her a glass of punch. When John got to the punch table, he was surprised, because there was no punch line.

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?

"I'm out of gas."

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

"Try it now," said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"

The bee answered, "BP."

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The class used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked, "Are you all right?"

He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"