My wife said to me, "How on earth are we going to use 9% less gas this winter?"
"You can stop burning my dinner for a start," I replied.
My neighbor shaves 15-20 times a day...
No, he's not crazy... he's just a barber.
Golfer: "You must be the world's worst caddy!"
Caddy: "No, that would be too much of a coincidence."
A chemist's favorite carnival ride is...
The Ferrous Wheel!