Latest Jokes

What do you call someone who gets mad when they run out of bread?

LACK TOAST INTOLERANT.

Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick.

"How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks."

Al: Will you remember me in one year?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in six months?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in one month?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in two weeks?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in one week?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in one day?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in twelve hours?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in one hour?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Will you remember me in one second?
Tim: Of course.

Al: Knock! Knock!
Tim: Who’s there?

Al: See, you forgot me already!

A man wanted to be dismissed from jury duty, but none of his excuses worked. So on the day of the trial, he asked to approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant."

"Oh?" the judge asked.

"Yes!" the man replied. "I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face, and I thought, 'He's a crook! He's 100% guilty.' So, your Honor, I couldn't possibly be on this jury!"

The judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. You are just the kind of juror we are seeking--a good judge of character."

The man protested, "How can you say that?"

"Because," the judge said, "that man is the defendant's lawyer."