Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
Why did the farmer put GPS on his spice rack?
Because he couldn't keep track of the thyme.
Lou: Hey Joe. I know the score of any professional sports score before it happens.
Joe: No you don’t. That’s impossible.
Lou: Wanna bet?
Joe: Okay Lou. What’s the score of the Patriots vs the Rams game before it happens?
Lou: That’s easy. The score of the Patriots vs the Rams game is going to be 0-0 BEFORE it happens.
A grandpa, who was turning 72, and his granddaughter, who was turning 7, had their birthdays on the same day.
The granddaughter told her grandpa that he was a lot older then her. Being older and wiser he said “No, we are the same age.”
She said, “But grandpa, I am only seven. What number are you?”
He replied, “Yes you are, and I am only seven too!”