Him: "My mother told me that every time you have an impure thought, an angel smacks you on top of the head."

Her: "That would explain why so many men go bald!"

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office and the staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the skeleton in my passenger seat and belted it in so it wouldn't fall over... not even thinking about the drive across town.

At a stoplight, I could not help but notice a ton of people staring at my car. I rolled down the window and shouted, "I am taking him to the Doctor's office!"

A man standing on the corner shouted, "I hate to tell you Ma'am, but I think it's too late!"

I came to the realization that my 5 year old was watching too much reality TV when we attended a wedding.

As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle to the altar, he asked, "Is this where the groom picks the one he wants to marry?"

A Texan was visiting a Maine farmer. The Texas rancher was boasting to his host about the size of his ranch. "I can get into my pickup truck and drive all day and still not reach the boundary of my ranch," he bragged.

The Mainer shook his head knowingly, and replied, "Aayuhh, I had a truck like that once."