Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, "I'm sorry about not speaking more clearly. I've been to the dentist."
"You should have used the drive-through," she said.
"Everyone who goes through sounds like you," she explained.
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary on the first day of registration.
"He's a magician," said the new boy.
"How exciting. What's his best trick?"
"He saws people in half."
"How impressive! Now, do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Yep...one half brother and two half sisters."
A scientist finally realizes his dream of creating a formula for becoming invisible. Entering the family home, he trips over a mysterious unseeable lump. The mystery quickly unraveled after finding a note left by his less scientific sibling written as follows:
Hope you don’t mind. I’ve borrowed your formula to do some tests of my own. First, I will run through walls! Second...
A Yankee tourist in London went aboard the old battleship "Victory", which was Lord Nelson's flagship in several of his famous navel triumphs.
An English sailor escorted the Yank over the vessel, and coming to a raised brass tablet on the deck, he said, as he reverently removed his hat, "This, sir, is the spot where Lord Nelson fell."
"Oh, it is," replied the American. "Well, that ain't nothing. I nearly tripped on that darn thing myself."