Latest Jokes

1 votes

Son: After I graduate college I want become a sales person because there must be hundreds of different types, which gives me options.

Dad: There may be many different types of products but there are only three types of sales people...

The first type will take your commissions and doesn't care if you know...

The second type will take your commissions if they don't think you'll figure it out...

The third type are people that don't know what they're doing. In the end they'll take your commissions accidentally.

Son: That must mean there's a fourth type, someone who is actually a #1 but pretends to be a #3 so you won't get mad at them.

Dad: Actually son, now you're getting into sales management.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |
$25.00 won 4 votes

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?" --H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make." -- Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out." -- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible." -- Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy." -- Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." -- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value." -- Marecha Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." -- Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction." -- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." -- Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

4 votes

Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "Ryan Faidley" |
$15.00 won 5 votes

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says: "You must be single?”

The man replied: “Wow how did you know that?”

Cashier: “Because you’re not that good looking.”

5 votes

Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
1 votes

Customer: Barkeep, what’s the special today?

Barkeep: It’s an original drink we call the Zomazoid. It’s made with 2 shots each of 100 proof alcohols. It contains Vodka, Tennessee Whiskey, Tequila, and Scotch, topped with Irish Cream and Banana slices.

Customer: What do the customers that order this drink say about it?

Barkeep: No one really knows, we can’t understand what they’re saying.

1 votes

posted by "Marty" |