Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of the church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out, "Amen, Brother!"
When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "You preach it, Reverend!"
And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and hollered, "RIGHT ON! TELL IT LIKE IT IS! AMEN!"
But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, "He's quit preaching and now he's just meddling."
It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man, "I forgot to buy a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."
"Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
"That one's too skinny. What else have you got"? says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes then brings the same turkey back out to the man.
"Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them."